Confessions

 

The Confessions of a Wannabe Perfectionist Travelling The Length of Latin America with Some Barely Used Fancy Dress and an Art Box

Saskia at the market and at Halloween

Wannabe Authentic

First off, I should say that this is my confession to you, my beloved tribe of happiness seekers.

Second off, I should say that ‘wannabe’ perfectionist is actually wrong – it’s more like ‘used-to-wannabe’, because I have had enough of the agro it causes trying to be perfect.

And third off, I have to admit that the ‘wannabe’ is still lurking because only a perfectionist uses the word ‘should’!!  (After all, I’m not perfect at not being a perfectionist yet!)

 

Happiness Quest

For the last 13 years I have been on a quest for happiness, for myself and for those who’s lives I touch.   I love and care deeply about the people in my life (which includes you, my tribe).

 

My quest for happiness has been around for a while. As a kid, when people asked what I wanted to be I’d often reply “I want to be happy” (I blame my hippie parents!).  I  somehow already had a sense that seeking happiness was just as much work, and just as satisfying, as any job could be.  (I also wanted to be, at various times, a midwife, a furniture maker, a fiction writer, a fashion designer – which I was for a while – and a recipe book author – which I now am).

 

My happiness-quest was sharply re-focused after a major watershed life event in 2004 – a deeply traumatic family car accident in Argentina, where I lost my beautiful sister, Lilah, and nearly went myself.

 

Confession

Learning to let go of perfectionism (and therefore the fear of being judged) and embracing the dichotomous nature of being human (and therefore being able to try ideas out, feel like a fraud and change my mind) are where happiness is at for me.

 

I want to let go of the fear of judgement …

I want to allow myself to have fun painting hundreds of bad paintings, rather than never paint at all.

I want to allow myself to have five failed or unprofitable businesses, rather than not run my own business at all.

I want to allow myself to dance wildly in the dark and get caught, rather than never dance in the dark at all.

I want to allow myself to experience deep vulnerability and get my heart broken, rather than never experience true love at all.

I want to allow myself to wear crazy clothes, dye my hair pink and be laughed at, rather than never express myself through the way I look at all.

 

I am a walking dichotomy …

I love the subtlety of language.  AND I swear like a sailor.

I totally adore my work.  AND at times it stresses me out completely.

I am on a happiness mission.  AND I often forget my mission and am really good at being dissatisfied.

I thrive on and believe in the need for beauty and self-respect.  AND I slob around with dirty hair and binge on crap food.

I feel my very best when I eat high raw.  AND I go through phases of eating no raw at all.

I love writing and eating raw, vegan, gluten-free and sugar-free recipes.  AND I love a good almond croissant, and I’ve started eating meat again.

I believe in my ability to heal my body.  AND I do things I know harm my health.

 

Letting go of perfectionism and embracing dichotomy means that I accept that I am, and that I want, all these things, whilst still learning to be my healthiest, happiest and most fulfilled self.  Sometimes this feels like it’s getting easier and easier.  And sometimes I feel like I’m making hardly any headway at all.

 

Unadulterated Raw Freedom

Giving birth to and nurturing Raw Freedom has been the most amazing journey for me.  My wannabe perfectionism has dragged me through the mill and back again in the guise of all the ‘shoulds’ I applied to running a business.

 

The first few years of Raw Freedom, I couldn’t admit to my followers that I still ate cooked food.  The next 5 years I never showed up wearing my glasses (which I normally wear – my contacts are for special occasions and public appearances) or without makeup (my usual look).  I worked my ass off, put out a ton of valuable stuff, helped hundreds of women and still felt like I was failing.

 

But pure, unadulterated raw freedom was always, and is always, what I am seeking and so I’ve worked on all this and am allowing more and more of my ‘unperfect self’ to be expressed.

 

Living in a Campervan in Latin America

The amazing life that I am now leading is giving me the space to explore what it means to be truly me.  What makes me truly happy?  What makes me feel truly loved?  What makes me feel truly fulfilled?

 

Stepping outside of cultural norms, by travelling in a campervan through Latin America, has given us the opportunity to explore life from a different angle.  We have learnt that the thing we want more than anything in the world… That dream that we are so afraid of claiming for ourselves… That is the thing that sets us free.  Yes, it’s scary; wet-your-knickers-and-run-for-the-hills kind of scary.  And you come up with a million reasons why it’s not sensible/financially viable/good for the future.  But when you just ignore all that bullshit and realise it’s a smokescreen, on the other side lies LIFE.

 

And if it all goes tits-up, you can always go back to how you were living before.

 

Passionate Declaration

I am a passionate, loving, outspoken and generous individual who also has a tendency to be a self-absorbed, small-minded workaholic.  I have come to realise that the less pretty parts of myself are usually expressed when I am trying to escape my naturally sensitive and creative nature.

 

It’s time to let the vulnerable artist in me shine out.

It’s time to overshare, to cuss, to repetitively over-exclaim (you’ll be seeing a whole load more Briliant… Gorgeous… Yummy… Delicious!).

It’s time to make more of my dreams come true by being truly myself: I have come to realise that the two are intrinsically linked… the more I let my quirkiness and individuality shine out, the more attainable my dreams feel.  I have finally realised that you do not need to be like everyone else or follow anyone else’s rule book in order to succeed.  We already have all the skills and knowledge we need.  Now get using it!

 

I have decided that 2017 is about seeing just how truly ‘me’ I can be, in private and in public.  I am making a public declaration to you that 2017 is going to be the year of Wild Creativity, Love and Connection for me, Saskia Fraser.  Thank you for being my witness, my tribe, my friend and confident.

 

P.s. I’m not sure if this post is self-indulgent crap or not, but I’m trying not to judge myself for putting it out there!!

 








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12 Responses to Confessions

  1. Kathleen says:

    Saskia,

    Speaking as a wannabe imperfectionist, I greatly admire your honesty and vulnerability. I am on a similar journey and know it’s hard but important to be yourself, expressing every part of what that means even when those parts seem contradictory.

    You will get there. Just remember to be gentle and forgiving to yourself.

    Kathleen xxx

    • Saskia says:

      Thanks for your kind words, Kathleen 🙂 I’m always coaching my clients to be kind to themselves, and for us that are tough on ourselves it’s good to be reminded. Takes one to know one!! 🙂 xx

  2. Victoria says:

    Hey Saskia!
    You have inspired me! I can be an all too redundant creative, and a patronising perfectionist. Yuk, but my husband and I have taken the leap, we are moving to the south of France and claiming our life’s dream and committing to, and believing in the artists that we are. So thank you u for your openness I can relate!
    Love and light
    (Hold on tight!)
    Victoria Nazaire

    • Saskia says:

      I’m so pleased Victoria! Congratulations on taking the leap!! It’s just the best 🙂 Not always easy, but definitely better than the alternative – for me at least. You are going to have so much fun expanding into your artist self, inhabiting her more fully and fully. Go, lady!! xx

  3. Sweetpea says:

    I had to laugh at your “PS”. It’s all there in that one line. 🙂 Well done & good luck!

  4. Virginia Methley says:

    Hey beauty what a fabulous post! Perfect reading for me tonight we have just completed on buying the field of our dreams and things are really starting to happen for us but I am managing to get so stressed in all areas of my life! Christmas argh, finishing my forest school training arghhh and working full time all adding up to a very stressed Gin and I am starting not to believe in myself so well. But your honesty and bravery are really helpful right now, yes it might all go tits up and we might run out of money very soon but hey at least we tried!

    Following your dreams is never easy and I realise that I’m only just starting to live mine. I feel like I am on the threshold of great things but somehow need to be tested along the way.

    Much love to you am reading a beautiful book about Guatemala at the moment and think of you and Mark so often.

    Gin x

    • Saskia says:

      I’m so excited for you finally getting your beautiful field Gin. The right ones just needed to be waited for! I am always having to remind myself that everything doesn’t have to be done at once. There is time for it all 🙂 Lots of love to you gorgeous lady! xx

  5. Suzy says:

    Yus yus yus! Totally get it, Saskia! Really appreciate reading your words for a day when the desire to be it all had me rushing out of the headmistresses office before her kind words of concern for my tired (un-contacted lensed) eyes had me weeping on her shoulder from exhaustion and overwhelm! The bloody school raffle was the straw today amid the womanly concerns of juggling family birthdays, work and home and wanting them all to be perfect, even if say i don’t. Blessings on your wild and free travels and inner and outer explorations!

  6. Rhonda says:

    Well this so hit home! Especially THIS “es, it’s scary; wet-your-knickers-and-run-for-the-hills kind of scary. And you come up with a million reasons why it’s not sensible/financially viable/good for the future. But when you just ignore all that bullshit and realise it’s a smokescreen, on the other side lies LIFE.”A thousand times yes. We both know there are more than a few of us out there living the dream, all while still terrified part of the time.(half of us here in Guatemala for sure!) and it’s always so inspiring to see our peers out there fighting the good fight for the life they crave. Excellent post. p.s. so glad to see you’re mobile again.

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